DOING LIFE

Tired.
Today I am
The Tired Anthropologist.
Tired of separateness,
of always being the Other, not being able to leave my position.
Tired
of trying to melt in to this
alien Sameness, of getting to know someone else's culture,
of my one-life-long field trip
to humanity.

Sticking to my method of choice
I may try to melt in as much as possible,
to experimentally dive
into the everyday life
of this time.

No contact with my own kind for this long
has made me forget
where I come from,
who I am
or was
or maybe
How it is
Not To Be.

the only thing left is
the lonely scientist
still trying to understand
what it is to be human.
Don't get me wrong.
I do love my job.
But sometimes I would really need my own Stanley to find me,
tap me on my shoulder and say:
"Dr. Paukku, I presume?"

But I suppose Stanley won't be showing up. The physical rules of this place have confused me. I am blind to my own kind. I can't see, hear or feel that I am in you as much as you are in me. My Otherness is nothing more than concentrated energy,
a shape,
a river
a point of view that enables me to be here.

Boy, I do wish it was possible to visit home once in a while.
Or at least once in a life time.

Give my best to us all,

Sincerely Ours,
Terhi Elina Paukku
...I presume.